Shadow White and the Grumpy Troll
by inuyasha 303
Summary: CRACK princess rewrite: The fairest prince in the land decides to run off and finds himself lost in the woods with finds identical… Wait, they're supposed to be trolls? BluexShadow. Yaoi.


**Description**: CRACK princess rewrite: The fairest prince in the land decides to run off and finds himself lost in the woods with finds identical… Wait, they're supposed to be trolls? BluexShadow.

**AN**: Don't… ask… 0w0… Jk! This is a 'Thank you'/'Art trade'… a Thank Trade with Ask-Vio for a picture. The inspiration came from Mirror Mirror where I realized: "Heeeey! I've yet to finish a single one of my princess rewrites! And I know the perfect characters for this one!" And then this crack was born.

**Warnings**: Yaoi, crack, lotsa crack… Back-story-character death, and my attempt at humor… breaking of the 4th wall, sexual situations. Anything too explicit edited out for FF. A little ooc, but I like the directions I went with the characters, it makes me happy.

Lets start with the classic:

* * *

**Once upon a time…**

…far, far away, there was a glorious kingdom. The kingdom was known as Hyrule and was lush with green fields and clear waters and peace. All the people of all the races were joyous, and satisfied with their lives under the rule of their Great, and occasionally impatient, King Dark Link.

Under his rule, the land was purged of its fear of darkness and all that were different. Surrounding kingdoms respected his displays of power and everything became right with the world.

During his rule, the King came across a powerful and alluring Minish mage whom had taken a human-sized form. Entranced by the mages impressive abilities, he took the man as his Queen. And, although selfish and cruel at times, Queen Vaati found himself quite pleased with his new position and settled down to became a good, capable ruler to his people.

Hyrule remained in peace.

Not long after, and completely unexpected, their combined magic soon produced a child to them.

A child that they named: Shadow White.

For had they chosen to simply call him Shadow, no one would have gotten the reference. The child was the fairest babe to be born to the kingdom. With tuffs of hair black as the darkest shadows, eyes red as spilt blood and skin white as freshly fallen snow, he was as beautiful as he was mysterious and powerful. The twain were proud and loved him dearly.

Unfortunately, shortly after the child's 5th birthday, the kingdom suffered a terrible misfortune and Queen Vaati was lost. Devastated by this, the King launched an attack on a neighboring kingdom, claiming it with ease and expanding the kingdom. It did little to ease his pain, but he was sedated and returned to ruling his people with care.

Now Shadow White, commonly called Shadow (never Shadow Link because there was no prompt for it), grew to be a very fair child. Never had such a handsome beauty been seen. Sweet songs of praise and wonder were sung though out the kingdom of him…

Screams of fear and horror also sounded, from Hyrule Field to the castles tallest tower, for the little Shadow had inherited both his fathers traits of being… mischievous. His love of pranks had become well known and endlessly troubled the people, doing things such as dyeing all the local sheep orange, or dressing the local dogs up as horrible creatures to terrorize the marketplace.

Dark often scolded the boy for his un-prince-like conduct but was too pleased himself with the amusing childishness, to really punish him. Instead he allowed the child to run rampant. All it really did was startle a few people; there was no real harm.

Many years after the Queens death, another powerful man caught the Kings attention and he was married to the flamboyant Lord Ghirahim.

As an unexpected plot twist, Ghirahim was not evil. He enjoyed the sufferings of his enemies and had a strange habit of licking dangerous items, but he was a fair ruler and treated the people with leniency.

Not long after the marriage another tragedy befell the kingdom and the King passed away through further unelaborated circumstances. Trouble from the west began to brew, as little was known about Ghirahim ability to lead and the kingdom to the west was sure that without Darks great perfection, the kingdom would fall.

As Ghirahim's abilities were not to the extent that Darks had been… it was a likely possibility.

Preoccupied by this rather dire situation, Ghirahim had little time to deal with the constant troubling antics of the teenaged, and now rather-spoiled, Shadow White.

…..

Ghirahim rubbed his eyes as a scream echoed from the direction of the kitchen and his guests turned towards the sound startled.

"Oh joy…" He muttered under his breath, before lifting his voice. "It seems my step-son, the prince, has finally decided to join us." He motioned to them. "Shadow, these are our guests."

Appearing out of thin air came a young man laughing dark, but good-naturedly. His hair was black as night and clashed with his porcelain skin that seemed to have captured not a ray of sunlight. He was well built, strong but agile with a face that made women swoon when he chose to be charming. His garb was made of fine materials but otherwise unremarkable in style and design, a simple black and grey tunic with white under things. He was like his father Dark in regards to his taste in clothes and it often made Ghirahim sigh to see them so alike.

Although he'd never witnessed Dark be quite so… infuriatingly inappropriate.

"Debbie~!" Shadow called in his amusement, completely ignoring his stepfather's words. "I do apologies for being so late! The cook, it seems, still refuses to have my breakfast ready for me in the morning." He looked over at the other two, who had stood up at his arrival politely. "Who're them?"

Ghirahim stood up as well, flamboyantly flipping his hair to make a good impression and ignoring the strange nickname Shadow had crafted for him some time ago (and insisted on using sole because he knew it aggravated the demon king). He also did not mentioning that it was he who ordered that Shadow could not have breakfast waiting for him if he insisted on waking up everyday at a half-past three.

"This is Lord Ganondorf, the King of the Gerudos to the South." He introduced as a dark skinned man bowed to him slightly. "And this is his daughter, Princess Zelda." The young blond women bowed as well.

Shadow blinked. Looking first at the fair and lovely princess, then the red-haired king, then back and back rather obviously, without returning their bows and leaving them standing there, before turning to his step-father.

"She's adopted, right?" He asked.

The girl's head whipped up furiously and Ghirahim clamped his hand over Shadow's mouth and pulled him back.

"I am not! How rude!"

Ghirahim apologized quickly pushing Shadow into his seat and resisting the urge to smack the back of his head. "Please ignore him. He really just likes to _act_like an imbecile."

"Of course~" Shadow replied with a purr, turning slyly to the Princess as she took her seat. "I just couldn't believe your pretty-ness could be the child of _his_loins, is all."

Ghirahim turned to hide his shame with his silky white hair, but to his surprise the Gerudo King chuckled and the princess almost smiled in reply to his flirtation. The King of Hyrule was pleased, as the girl seemed hard to win over. She attire consisted of traveling garments and full body armor that encased her fighters form. Her hardened expression hadn't shifted since he'd met her. (1)

To Shadow however, she and the foreign King warmed up immediately. The Prince took hold of the meeting and turned it into a get-to-know-you, instead of the war meeting it was supposed to be and time was soon up.

Shadow didn't hesitate to take his leave, while Ganondorf and Ghirahim exchanged very slight, respectful but proud, bows.

"I am pleased with him." He said, in a deep voice. "Zelda?"

"I'm pleased too, father." She agreed.

Ghirahim presented them both with extravagant flowers, as well as a few more suitable presents, and as subtly as possible rushed them out the door.

Once they were gone, his smile disappeared.

"SHAAAAAAAADOW!"

He stormed up the princes room and threw open the door a grandly as he could. The prince stood half out his window, prepared to flee, and smiled at him as if he didn't know he'd done something wrong.

"Well, hi Debbie~ what do you-?"

"What was that-! That-! Horrible behavior!?" He yelled, flinging his arms. "You completely wasted our time!"

Shadow stuck his finger in his ear uncouth. "I didn't want to talk to them about boring war stuff."

Ghirahim sighed, tightly. "That "boring war stuff" as you call it, is the last chance we have. We need them to ally with us before this problem reaches full-scale." He flipped his hair and smiled rather creepily.

"However, we're in luck. You've made a good impression and they are willing to accept our proposition."

Shadow rolled his eyes, climbing down from the window, since it no longer seemed his head might roll. "What proposition?" He asked.

"An alliance marriage."

Shadow blinked and made a face, his head whipping around.

"You're going to _marry_that hard-faced girl!? She's like, what, a hundred years younger then you?"

Ghirahim glared at him. "Don't be ridiculous," He looked off. "Like I would touch that women... You're to marry her."

"WHAT!?" Shadow jumped up.

The king's shoulders sagged and he weaved on his feet liquidly. "It was _your_idea. I told you that was why I called you to attend the meeting."

"When did I suggest this nonsense!?" He yelled, horrified.

"Last week, when you said: "Well if you're that desperate, I'll just take their princess and make then work for us."

Shadow threw up his arms. "I meant I'd kidnap her!"

"Oh please, she'd cut you in half."

Shadow spun around. "I can't marry a women like that! Did you see how small her reactions were!? Oh Gods… It would be like living with a plank! A board! A boring, reaction-less_wall_!"

Ghirahim flicked his arm in the air. "I've already presented it to them! They like you and are making plans as we speak!"

"Then stop them! Cancel it! Tell them that I wasn't taken with the princess."

"Shadow! Be reasonable! Think of your kingdom."

Shadow pushed past him, out the door. "I wont do it!"

"You must! We can't risk insulting them!"

Shadow turned to him furiously. "You can't make me! I'll run away to the Lost Woods and you'll never find me!"

"Shadow you wouldn't last an hour in those woods!"

"Watch me!" Shadow hollered, and then he was gone.

…

The Lost Woods were difficult (if not impossible), to navigate on ones own if one didn't have prier knowledge of them. This was common knowledge through out Hyrule. But what did navigation matter to one with the ability to walk through the shadows?

Unless, there existed a less common piece of knowledge that one could shadow-walk _into_the Lost Woods, but could not shadow-walk out. In which case it was a very important necessity that Shadow did not posses.

The young prince came to learn this knowledge firsthand, when he smacked face first into a tree and landed on his ass with a thud.

"Oooow!" Shadow whined, confused grabbing his nose as if to keep it from further injury. "What the hell…?"

He had only stopped to rest a moment, but while he tried again and again, he could not return to the Dark World. Defeated, he leaned against the tree he'd struck. Stuck? In the woods…? He opened his mouth a few times, and then looked up at whatever god was mocking him from above.

"…whoops."

Perhaps running off like that hadn't been the wisest decision. However it didn't really matter, did it? He'd made his point and surely Ghirahim would send out a huge search party to find him the second he realized Shadow wasn't coming back.

The young prince nodded to himself, satisfied with that conclusion and began to walk. Of course… he'd missed breakfast and lunch. And he'd run off without grabbing anything to eat, because he had assumed he would be able to pop back to town at any time. And who knew how long it would take for Ghirahim to realize that he wasn't coming back. And he didn't have a single weapon. And he didn't know how to hunt. And he didn't know what kind of animals lived in those woods. And he didn't know which direction he'd came from or where to spend the night. And…

"…"

Suddenly quite a few problems had come to mind. Shadows stomach grumbled and he grabbed it, beginning to panic. He'd never gone without food before. What if he _starved_to death!?

…

Shadow who could not find his way out of the forest on his own, he fell asleep in the grass, thinking that he would starve and wither away that very night.

However, as that would make for a horrible ending: the prince awoke in something far more comfortable then the grassy ground. A warm bed, covered by a soft blanket. Pleased with this new situation, Shadow stretched out on the bed, before sitting up and letting out a startled shriek as he discovered three identical faces staring at him from the bedside.

The three jumped, but didn't pull away, staring at him in wonder. They _did_look alike and actually looked quite like the prince as well. They were each handsome and fair, but instead of being pale with dark hair, they were tanned and with bright blond. The most recognizable difference between the three of them was that each wore a different color. The smallest was dressed in a red tunic, the one in the center of them wore green, then finally to the right was a man dressed in purple.

Shadow just stared at them, holding the blanket out to provide some manner of defense. Where they triplets? In the middle of the woods? He wasn't aware people even lived in the Lost Woods!

"Oh, he's so cute." The one in red whispered quickly, turning to the others. Although he spoke loud enough for Shadow to hear him.

The one in purple reached over and pinched him, while the one in green straightened up, looking towards the door. "Hey Blue! He woke up!"

Shadow followed his gaze. Leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed was a forth man, this one dressed in blue. He scowled handsomely when their eyes met and looked away.

"Sorry if we startled you." The one in green stated, catching his attention again. "I think introductions are in order. That guy over there is The Grumpy Blue Hammer, but we all just call him Blue. Ignore his attitude. And this here is his brother The Happy Red Slingshot."

_'What funny names…'_ Shadow thought as the smallest announced that he was called Red. _'I guess they aren't triplets then…'_

"This here is Doc Violet-"

"Vio." The other cut in quickly. "I go by Vio."

"And I'm Green Link." He finished. "I don't get a funny cameo, cause apparently Doc was the leader." He shrugged, then smiled. "And who are you?"

Shadow stared at them for another moment, wondering how it was that they could not know _him_of all people, and then quickly stood up. The young men scrambled out of his way and let him take a quick look around, brushing his own clothes smooth and more presentable. Blue looked at him again, surprised to see him get up so soon.

Then Shadow spun around to them and held his head up high. "_**I**_am Shadow White. Son of the late King Dark Link and Prince of Hyrule."

The three looked at him with wide eyes, then, almost knocking each other over to get up and bowed to him. "Wow," Green said, eyes shining with wonder. "Excuse us, your Highness. We didn't know."

"Oooo! He's even cuter now~!" Red chirped over to Vio, who pinched him again, harder. "OW!"

Shadow ignored them and looked around some more, observing the small room he was in. Simply furnished, with wooden walls. Small but cozy, with a nice smell.

"So. Tell me how I got here."

Green nodded eagerly. "Oh, of course. Last night Blue, over there, found you in the woods and carried you here." Shadow blinked and looked over at the tallest male. The man flushed slightly and stormed away.

"Because it's my job to save goddess-damned rich _brats_that get fucking lost in the fucking woods!"

Shadow flushed angrily. How rude! He hadn't gotten "lost" …if his powers hadn't stopped working he'd have been perfectly fine!

"Please ignore him!" Red chirped. " Why don't you come downstairs! We'll make you breakfast; you must be hungry!"

At the mention of food Shadow's stomach growled loudly, making him flush.

"That's a yes~!" Red said in a sing-songy voice.

The little house had four bedrooms, two on the first floor, two on the second, and one big open room that served as a kitchen, living room, dinning room thing. Everything was wood and brightly lit, but Shadow found himself quite comfortable anyways. The meal Red prepared for him surpassed even his high standards, and having the strange handsome men fuss over him was quite pleasant.

"Tell me about you guys.' He said once he had finished and found himself relaxed in the armchair. "I mean: What's up with liv'n in the woods?"

"We're hunters." Green answered from his position. He and Red were sitting on the floor in front of him, with Vio over on the couch. "Besides people like us don't like to live in crowded areas."

Shadow leaned on his arm, looking confused. "Why not?"

Green returned the look of confusion. "Why… because we're trolls, of course." (2)

Shadow blinked. "T-…"

WTF!?

He sat up straight. "TROLLS!? You're supposed to be trolls?! I thought the story was dwarfs!"

"Hey!" Red cried offended. "I'm not that short!"

"You mean you didn't notice?" Green asked.

"How the hell could he have possibly have noticed?" Vio asked him quickly.

Green blinked. "…Oh yeah."

Shadow frowned, certain they were lying to him. "Trolls are supposed to be grey-skinned, ugly, with hair behind their ears, living under bridges and eating Hylians. You expect me to believe this?"

"We're half trolls." Vio pointed out as though that explained everything, as Green stood up.

"Here!" He reached up and pulled his ear forward. There on the back, was a thin patch of blond hair.

"…" Shadow looked at him blankly. Well… there was one thing…

"Trolls being ugly and living under bridges is an myth." Vio explained finally. "We really aren't that different from Hylians. Pure-blooded trolls do have kind of grey skin but most of it was just stories parents made up to scare their children."

Shadow blinked in surprise, leaning back in his chair. Part of him still didn't believe it, but another part strangely trusted the young men. If they said they were trolls…

Red scooted closer, pulling himself onto the arm of the chair. "The part about eating Hylians is true~ But not quite the way I'm sure you were told~" He smiled, flirtatiously until Green grabbed his tunic and pulled him back.

"Stop that. You aren't shipped in this story."

Red whined.

Green sighed, crossing his arms. "Anyway, we trade with the people in Kakiriko, which is only a few days travel from here. We were planning to head there tomorrow, however we can go early. I'm sure you want to get home as soon as possible." Vio and Red both reached over to kick the leader angrily, silently telling him to shut up."

"Now, wait a second." Shadow said calmly, holding out his hands. They all looked at him.

There was no reason to go back, was there? He had plenty of food and a comfortable shelter, plus the company of some rather fine gentlemen. Besides hadn't he left to make Ghirahim squirm? He closer his eyes and lifted his head.

"I've decided, since you've been so hospitable, that I will allow you to continue to provide my shelter for a few days."

The three smiled excitedly, but there was an outburst from the window. "WHAT!?" Blue yelled, leaning in over the frame. "Fuck no! Who the hell said that you could just-!"

Red and Vio jumped up and hit him as well. "You idiot!" Red yelled under his breath, pushing him out the window. "We've never gotten a guests out here and I'll be damned if you scare off my first opportunity to entertain!"

"And I need _someone_to talk to beside you complete morons!" Vio snarled, shoving him the rest of the way so he fell on his ass, and pulling the shudders closed.

They both looked back at Shadow and smiled. "Of course we'd love to have you~!" They said in unison.

Green looked back and clapped his hands. "It's unanimous."

There was a stream of curses from outside while Shadow just smirked, pleased.

…

"He's what?" Ganondorf asked alarmed.

Ghirahim winced, looking to the side. "Well… it seems that Shadow, has… gotten himself lost in the Lost Woods. Oh!" He dropped his face into his hands, because he was truly worried about the outcome of his stepson, who he thought of fondly… and because it was dramatic. "He ran off before I could warn him that his powers wouldn't work in there! I don't have any hunters who know the woods. It could take forever to find him and he's so helpless! There's no way he'll survive for long!"

Ganondorf patted his shoulder with an awkward sympathy. "Fear not." He insisted. "I'm sure the prince will survive."

Ghirahim looked up. "You don't know him like I do… He's… just useless!" He sighed looking over at Zelda, who straightened up even more (if that was possible) at the attention. "Which was why I wanted him married to someone I thought would at least be _capable_of ruling…"

The Gerudo King laughed. "Your trust it well placed; His fiancée will save him. Princess Zelda, here has often traced creatures through the Dark World and has treaded the Lost Woods often. With her own magic, she will find him within a day or two."

Ghirahim watched as the girl bowed to them and marched out the door, calling to a servant to prepare her horse.

"Yeah… if he can survive that long…"

…

However Ghirahim couldn't have been more misplaced with his fears. Shadows happy mishap into the hunter's diligent hands had left him in an even better position then he had been living in the castle. Not only did the strangers treat him as kindly as possible, wait on his every need, and practically worship him, but the food was better then any he'd tasted and non of them knew what to expect from him. Their reactions to just about everything: were priceless.

His favorite victim to tease was his rather stubborn, grumpy rescuer.

"_Oh Blue~_…" He whispered into the tall males delicate ear.

Blue screamed, dropping the logs he'd been carrying and tripping backwards over them as he spun around and tried to draw his sword. His crash was rather extraordinary making the demon prince grin.

"What the **_hell_**!?" Blue yelled from the ground. "Are you _trying_to kill me!?"

Shadow leaned on his arms, having retained enough of his abilities to hover about a foot. "Oh, well, I'd only meant to make you jump a little."

Honestly, the mans reactions to _everything_were just… so over the top that Shadow had become very, very interested in him. It helped that he already had a theory as to why the male reacted so violently. After all, the story was half over and they just didn't enough time for character development.

Blue stood up abruptly and brushed off his tunic. Shadow helped playfully by brushing off the back, which only lead to Blue flipping out and tripping all over again.

"Spoiled-…! Inconsiderate-…! Little…! Brat prince-…! Doesn't-…! Personal boundaries-…!" Blue went on grumbling while he picked up the discarded wood and carried it to the back of the house. Shadow was feeling rather helpful, so he picked up the smallest log and carried it himself.

The other three had gone off to town the day before, like they'd said they would, leaving Shadow there as he requested (since he didn't want even a word of his safety to reach his step-father) and leaving Blue to care for him, which was clearly a good idea.

Blue dropped his logs in a premade pile against the wall and Shadow did too. "Soooo~… is there more firewood to cut?" Shadow asked, sweetly. He was quite enjoying watching, but was rather annoyed the hunter hadn't yet removed his tunic

Blue looked at him, then held out the ax. "Here."

Shadow stared at it. "What do you want me to do with it?"

"Help me with the freaking firewood!" Blue shoved it in his arms and Shadow almost yelled wondering how the other could even think of doing something that dangerous to a prince! What if it had cut him!?

"I'm not like the others. I'm not going to just let you stay here for free. I'm cutting wood, so you're cutting wood."

Shadow made a face and leaned back against the wall. "You want… me... to chop firewood." He held it back. "I'm not the working type. I prefer to root from the sidelines. You have fun."

***SLAM***

Blue's hand hit the wall and the taller leaned over him. Shadow pressed back startled.

Had he angered him? Thinking about it: what did he know about the strange men he'd met living in the woods? They'd already admitted to being troll, who were known for being dangerous. They could have easily been lying about the common knowledge of trolls being false, and he'd just pissed off the worst one.

Of course… he was damn hot when he was pissed…

Blue scowled. "I said: If I'm chopping; you're chopping. Now get over there and chop."

Shadow grinned darkly, knowing full well he was insane for enjoying the very possible danger.

"And how are you going to make me?"

They stood there at a stalemate for a moment, staring at each other, neither backing down. Then Blue's scowl darkened and he snatched the axe back, storming off. Shadow watched him, feeling a little relieved and quite turned on. Dominating, but still a total push-over?

Maybe the gods did love him.

"Now, hold on~!" He called. "Maybe I could give it a try."

He caught up to Blue just in time to see him drop his folded tunic and shirt on the grass out of the way. Shadow stopped and stared, as obviously as he could manage, hoping the other would notice and take him up on the look. Blue however just snapped his fingers quickly.

"Go get the other axe then. Hurry up."

Shadow obeyed, returning right to Blue's side quite literally. "Got it. What now?"

"First you back up…" Blue muttered, waiting for him to move so he could finish up his log. "Don't you know any-hah!-thing?"

Shadow had never done domestic chores of any kind, being a prince. However he wasn't really one to knock something before trying it. He had nothing else to do anyway. "Of course I know what to do. I just… hit it." He placed one of the logs on a second stump and raised the axe- "Hyah!"

Normally, Shadow had great aim. However unused to the weight of the axe, he hit the edge of the wood instead and caused it to topple over, the axe getting wedged in one side. Blue snorted with amusement and Shadow flushed.

"Maybe there's more to it then I thought…" Blue said shrugging. "Want help?"

"No." Shadow said quickly, before realizing his error. "Ahhhh… I mean…" He smirked, then turned to Blue with a pout. "Jeez. I'm just not cut out for this; maybe you _could_help me a little?"

Blue huffed, looking annoyed, but that didn't stop him from putting his down and walking over. "First off, move your hands apart more, they're too close together."

Shadow blinked, then spread his hand about a centimeter. "Like this?"

"No." Blue said irritated. "Much more then that."

Another centimeter. "This?"

Blue glared, then reached around him and pulled Shadows hands along the handle to the appropriate position. Shadow smirked, carefully leaning back against Blues bare chest. "There! You hold it like that."

Shadow purred. "And is this tight enough~?"

"Not if you loosen your grip like that!" Blue snapped, watching Shadows hands become looser.

"Show me?" Shadow continued to play.

Blue scowled, wrapping his hand around Shadow's to show him. "Nice and tight. Like this. You don't want it to move at all. Know exactly where it is." Shadow shivered slightly as Blue shifted to a move comfortable angle and ended up speaking into his ear. "You want to bring it down good and hard, right into the center. Here…" He tapped the wood with the axe, making a small split. "That makes it easier. Aim for this spot."

He didn't seem to notice the light shivers that went through Shadow with each word his spoke. Even Shadow hadn't known his ears were so sensitive. Shadow swallowed, pressing further back against him, turning to see his face. "Show me?' He whispered, turned on by how close they were.

Blue turned red suddenly, seeing Shadows face so close. Those pretty red eyes were hypnotic and Blue almost trembled. "Ah… o-ok." He lifted their arms, and despite the unusual position, helped guide it right down through the center of the wood.

Shadow smiled slightly, but Blue immediately released him. "There. Now why don't you chop up some more, and I'll finish up mine." He seem flustered.

By the time they finished chopping wood, the others had returned. "BLUE!" Red shrieked horrified! "What are you making him do? You jerk!"

Blue had just finished the wood, and Shadow was sitting on his stump, taking his eighth or so break. He was rather pleased with his small pile of wood.

"I didn't- h-h-h- HE VOLENTEERED!" Blue yelled, as Red hurried over.

Shadow looked at him. "But didn't you saying something like: 'If I'm chopping, so are you'?"

Blue flushed as Red turned to him, slowly taking the axe from Shadow. "You said… What?"

"I-I didn't MAKE him!"

Shadow laughed. "No, he didn't. I wanted to try something different."

Red turned back with a bright smile. "Oh! That's ok then!" He laughed and tossed the axe behind him like garbage before running off. Green and Vio laughed as well, expecting it had been something like that.

"I didn't expect you to be interested in chores." Green said, admiring his pile

"Oh, I'm not." Shadow answered, glancing at Blue, still as obviously as possible. "I was just a little bored."

Blue huffed. "Lazy fuckin' _princess_…"

…

Zelda stopped to rest, letting her horse drink from the little river. It had been almost three days now since the prince had gone missing. Tracking him was difficult, since he had gone most of the way in that Dark World. But it wasn't impossible for someone with her magical abilities.

She pulled a small object out of her pocket. It was a Dark Mirror. The small item acted as a focus for her spells.

"Mirror, mirror." She muttered. "Show me the shadow prince."

Immediately the mirror expanded to a good size and the glass swirled, revealing the young man she was searching for. It was the first time she had used the mirror to check on him, and she was unsurprised to see him staring up at an apple tree.

_'He should be starving by now.'_ She thought. _'And he's probably getting farther and farther from me every minute that goes on.'_She sighed. "I have no choice."

Shadow reached up; able to float a little, but not enough to reach the apples that hadn't been eaten by the birds in the deeper branches. He was forced to climb. Zelda watched his attempts with amusement, until the young prince managed to snag one and yank it off the branch.

Zelda touched the apple on the surface of the mirror. "Mirror, mirror. Coat this apple in a sleep spell. One deep sleep: where they are not hungry or cold. One to ward off dangers. A sleep to protect the prince until I get there."

The apple shimmered in the glass, before she broke contact and stuffed it back in her pocket.

_'There. Now I should be able to catch him faster.'_She called to her steed and started tracking him again.

….

"Where the hell did you disappear to?" Blue asked when Shadow walked back into the clearing. He had his sword in his hand; having just discovered Shadow was missing and was about to head off in search of him. He wasn't about to admit it, but he worried when Shadow went off for too long of a time. After all he didn't know anything about the woods and Blue had found him unconscious.

Shadow smiled, holding up his apple. "I went to get this." He smiled and handed it too Blue. "Here."

The short-tempered male looked at it, before glaring at Shadow. "Why?"

"Didn't you say you wanted an apple?"

Blue huffed. "Yeah, it just seems weird that you would go get one for me." He frowned.

Shadow smiled, leaning in. "Oh, well~ I do want a reward for having to go fetch it, of course." He smiled. "Maybe a kiss."

Blue scoffed and took a big bite of the fruit, before turning around and storming inside. "Yeah, good-fucking-luck with that."

Shadow pouted, following him inside. "Hey, you ate it- you owe me!" He pointed. "Just one kiss!"

Blue flushed brightly, having not expected Shadow to carry on his little joke. Red popped up from behind the counter. "I'll kiss you!" He exclaimed.

Shadow crossed his arms. "No. I want one from Blue who stole my apple."

"I DIDN'T-!""BLUE!""STEAL ANYTHING!"

He turned back. "Why should I pay you; aren't you already staying in my house and eating my food for free?"

"You mean _our_house and food?" Vio asked, leaning over the back of the couch to look at him.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Blue muttered, eating more.

Vio rolled his eyes, then smiled at Shadow. "I'd be happy to pay his price, your Highness."

Shadow sighed, leaning on a counter. "Nope. It's got to come from him. Anyone else doesn't count."

"Blue, you lucky bastard, why don't you just kiss him." Green said, coming down the stairs. "Since none of us can take your place."

"That's because you all think of it was a reward." Shadow said, knowing full well they were all (mostly) teasing. They liked to see Blue glare at them all angrily as much as Shadow did. "Blue's the only one to think it's a punishment."

Vio went back to his book. "Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that."

"What was that, Bookworm!?" Blue snapped angrily.

"Nothing, nothing…" He turned the page. "Just that I think you want a kiss from our prince more then you let on."

Blue's face turned a bright red. "L-Like… LIKE HELL I DO!" He shoved the apple into Shadow's hands. "HERE'S YOUR FUCKING APPLE! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Shadow looked at the apple as Blue stormed over and threw himself onto the couch, fuming. Shadow wilted slightly. The others alternated between giving him looks of pity and glaring at Blue.

"Oh, I was just messing with you." Shadow said, leaning over and trying to give it back. "You don't have too. Here, finish it."

Blue huffed, turning away. "I don't want it."

"I went out and got it because you said you wanted one!" He insisted, accepting defeat. He had really come to want the grumpy trolls affection. He didn't want to make him too angry. "I was only kidding, Blue. Please eat it." Blue ignored him. Shadow wilted even more.

Red huffed. "I don't know what anyone could see in you, Blue. You're such a jerk."

"Just shut up!" Blue snapped.

"You really don't have any manners at all." Vio agreed.

Blue scowled, standing up. "Fine! I don't have to sit here and listen to you assholes! I'm going back ou-" He fell back on the couch.

Everyone looked at him. Blue touched his head.

"Are you ok?" Shadow asked, a little alarmed.

"What?" Blue looked back, almost like he'd forgotten anyone else was in the room. "Yeah, I'm fine. That was weird…" He stood up, only to drop to a knee. "Ugh… I don't feel right."

"What's wrong?' Red asked, as Green got up and helped him back onto the couch.

"I don't know…" Blue muttered.

"Are you sick?" Green asked suddenly concerned.

"No, I just feel… weird…"

"How so?" Vio asked sitting up. Blue's head hit the back of the couch and he didn't answer.

"…Blue?"

They all gathered around, but the short-tempered male didn't answer.

"Blue!" Green yelled, shaking him a little.

"Move out of my way, Green." Vio ordered, moving over and checking his head. The results made him frown, and he checked his breathing and pulse.

"What's wrong with him?" Red asked, concerned. "This has never happened before!"

Vio sat back. "His heart isn't beating."

"WHAT!?" The other screamed in horror. Shadow stood there shocked, while Red burst into tears.

"He's dead!? Blue!"

"H-How!?" Green asked quickly, unable to believe his best friend had just suddenly kicked the bucket!

Vio thought about it for a moment, then looked at Shadow. "Can I see that?"

Shadow looked up pained. "What?" He looked at the fruit in his hand. "T-This? Y-You think my apple killed him?" It couldn't be!

Vio took it in his hands and looked it over, taking in the overall color of the bite, then nodded.

"Yes. This is the cause."

Shadow blinked, his eyes watering as he pulled back. "I-It… its all my fault? He's dead because of me?"

"This can't be happening." Green said clenching his fist. Red continued to cry.

Vio crossed his arms. "Oh, come now. It's not all _that_bad."

Everyone looked at him offended. "VIO!" Green screamed. "How could you say that!?"

Vio shrugged. "I don't know, it's nice not to have to listen to his mouth once in-."

Green grabbed his collar while the other two stared at him horrified. "How can you say that!? He just died and you're still ragging on him!"

Vio looked bored. "I said his heart isn't beating; I never said he was dead."

They all looked at him blankly.

Shadow was the first to speak up. "What do you mean?"

Vio looked at Green, until the leaders finally released him. Vio brushed off his shirt, taking as much time as possible. "His heart stopped beating. That happens some times. When you eat something that has been infused with dark magic to put you to sleep." He touched the others chest. "He's breathing; notice."

"You've got a horrible sense of humor…" Green grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"It's called dramatic irony; I'm sure the readers found it amusing."

"You said dark magic?" Shadow interrupted, relieved that Blue wasn't dead. "I-I didn't… do anything to it, I swear."

Vio nodded. "I don't expect you did. If anything. I think… this apple was intended for you, your Highness."

Shadow blinked. "Me? How?"

Vio shrugged. "That, I don't know. But I've seen this before."

Shadow looked at him. "Really?"

"…you'd be surprised what I've seen."

Red smiled brightly, back to his cheerful self since Blue wasn't actually dead. "So what do we do? Is he going to get better?"

Vio nodded. "He'll be fine. Haven't you read this story? He just needs a kiss from his one true love."

All three heads turned to Shadow.

"Me?" Shadow asked, grinning at the prospect. "What? I've only known the guy for a few days."

Green grabbed his shoulder. "Great, so you'll take care of it?"

Shadow made a face like he was against the idea. "Oh, I don't know. He seems so aggravated by me… Maybe I shouldn't~"

Green grinned. "He'll bitch, but it's to save him, so he'll just have to accept it."

Red smiled. "Well, now. I agree with Shadow. I think we should just leave him like this. After all, if he seriously doesn't want to be rescued, I'll take his kiss."

Vio shrugged. "It is the only known cure."

The other two laughed while Shadow smiled. "We'll I suppose if it's the only way."

He moved over to the edge of the couch, with the others moving out of his way. Blue didn't move as he touched the taller mans cheek. He took a deep breath. Actually, he was a little nervous. He was sure the other was attracted to him but… true love? Could he be?

There was only one way to find out. He leaned down, pressing his mouth to Blue's.

His heart pounding in his chest, Shadow pulled back, still feeling the warm lips against his own. Taking another breath, he waited.

And waited…

Nothing.

"It… didn't work." Shadow said with disappointment, sitting on the couch. Green and Red just looked dumbfounded, while Vio crossed his arms with a scoff.

"Of course it didn't work. I don't know where the hell those 'instant results' rumors came from, but 'true loves kiss' doesn't work right away. It takes about three weeks."

"WHAT!?" Green shouted. "Three weeks!? What good is that!?"

Vio jumped at the yell. "T- It takes three weeks. That's the usual. I can't control it."

"Can't we do something to accelerate it?" Shadow asked.

"Like more kisses!" Red suggested 'innocently'. Well, Shadow wouldn't mind.

Vio flushed. "Well, there is... But I didn't think it was…" He looked up and tilted his head. "Well, there is one way..."

"What is it?"

"A blowjob."

At this point, Green burst into laughter. "What kind of shit-crack writing is this!?" While Shadow grinned.

"Oh, well, is that all. Sure, why not. It's not like- What the fuck! How could that possibly work?"

"Oh, because 'true loves kiss' makes so much sense, right? I didn't write it!"

Red grabbed him. "Noooo-! You can't make Shadow do this~!"

Shadow crossed his arms, thinking about it. Well… It was going to end up there somehow, anyway.

"Alright." He said. "Get out."

…..

"So, how long will this part take?" Red asked. They'd decided to go for a walk after being kicked out of the house. "Will he be awake when we get back? Or do we still have to wait a long time?

Vio shook his head. "Oh, He'll definitely be awake when we get home. That was just to please the fangirls. True loves kiss puts you back into a normal sleep. The blowjob will wake him right up."

They looked at him.

"VIO!"

…..

After the doctor's master plan, Prince Shadow White and Grumpy Blue found themselves tangled in each other and their new romance. Red giggled at how sweet it was, while Green teased them mercilessly and Vio continued to find ways to exploit them. However Blue just yelled at them and Shadow was amused by it all.

"Hurry up!" Red called, as Blue and Shadow finished their heated and rather long goodbye kiss. Of course he was only going away for a few minutes, but whatever.

Shadow pulled back, giving a final nip to Blue's lower lip. "I'll be back soon." He said, turning around and running to Red. "Make sure you're still chopping when I get back!" H called.

Blue smirked, watching his ass and waving. He grabbed the axe and started to chop. Not far from where he was the Gerudo Princess Zelda had noticed an increase in Shadows presence and was rushing towards the little cottage.

She emerged just as Blue finished one of the logs. He looked up surprised. She looked at him confused. A house in the woods? She frowned.

Blue put down the axe and grabbed his towel, wiping off the sweat. "What do you want?" He asked.

She blinked, unused to being addressed in such frank manner. She lifted her head proudly. "I am looking for the Prince of Hyrule, Shadow White."

Blue frowned, taking in the warrior's appearance. His eyes narrowed. Shadow had never explained why or how he'd ended up in the woods. But they all know that he'd run away from something-

"No one here by this name." He said.

-Or someone.

Her eyes narrowed. She could feel the prince all over the area. He was there. She stalked towards the house. Blue stopped her with his arm.

"You have one chance to move." She told him in a cold voice.

The stubborn troll grabbed his sword with his other hand.

"Make me."

…

"Do you hear sword fighting?" Shadow asked as they went back towards the cottage. They looked at each other and burst into a run.

They came out on a sword battle between an half-nude skilled hunter and a furious Gerudo Princess.

"Hand over the prince you lowlife! Where have you hid him?" She yelled.

"Back off you Harlot!" Blue yelled back, bringing his sword down again.

"Why I never!" She hollered.

Red giggled. "Aren't you so lucky Shadow~! They're fighting over you~"

"Oh for the love of-" Shadow began with a roll of his eyes. "Stop, stop, stop!"

The two fighters stopped instantly as he approached. "Shadow?" Blue muttered.

"Your Highness!" Zelda exclaimed, putting away her sword and grabbing his arm. "How are you still awake? My apple was supposed to protect you."

"That was yours?" Shadow asked, annoyed, remembering how scared he'd been thinking it had killed Blue.

Blue glared jealously. "Do you know her, Shadow? Should I escort her out of here?"

Zelda glared back. "_I_am his fiancé." Blue looked furious as she turned back to Shadow and linked their arms. "Now, the King is worried about you. We must return and plan our wedding to join our people."

"Whoa, now." Shadow said, pulling away with a smile. "_Princess_~! Please… you see, the wedding was Debbie's idea. And you see, it turns out that my lover isn't for the idea of me running off." He smirked at Blue who grinned putting away his sword.

Zelda looked shocked. "What? Prince. What are you thinking? You must return with me. Out kingdoms need this alliance."

"Yeah, about that… I don't want to. I'm going to stay here."

She looked offended. "Our kingdoms need this alliance, Shadow!"

He lifted his hands. "Yes, you see… I've thought about this. In my time here." He walked over and wrapped his arms around Blue's neck, leaning against him. "I don't have much… interest in protecting our kingdom. You however, seem to have it down. So I'm going to leave it to you."

Zelda nodded with as much sarcasm as she could manage. "Because, your step-father is going to hand the kingdom over to us, is that right?"

Shadow smiled. "No, well. You said it yourself: Our kingdoms need an alliance marriage."

Zelda frowned. "But you just said you don't want to marry me."

Shadow grinned, pulling in nice and close to his boyfriend. "Oh, I wasn't talking about us."

…

And so, Hyrule was brought together by the reluctant marriage of the Hylian King Ghirahim and the Gerudo King Ganondorf, to be succeeded by the fair, but badass Princess Zelda.

Shadow White, the beautiful Prince stayed with his lover in the woods. The two of them lived with the other three trolls in the woods and traded their game with the people in the nearby village. Every once in awhile Shadow returned to the castle to visit and torment the people for old times sake. Ghirahim was thrilled that Shadow had found someone to make him happy, and took his revenge on the boy for all the trouble he cause by flirting with the hunter far too strongly.

Hyrule was secure in it's royal family and with the kingdoms joined, no one dared to consider attacking. The tension settled and peace fully returned to the kingdom.

And they all…

…lived happily ever after.

* * *

Holy craaaaaaaap… That took foreveeeeeeeer! About the lemon … I haven't actually written it yet. The story was taking too long as it was, but it'd be sad to write possibly my only BluexShadow and not throw in a sex scene. So I'll throw that up on my tumblr when I get it finished. Until then you'll just have to deal with it.

(1) My Ganon-daughter Zelda: Badass warrior princess.

(2) Internet Trolls of course! Looooool!

**COMMENT PLEASE! Tell me if you liked this at all. What you would change, what you would keep, etc… **  
LoZ © Not


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